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Mommy Magic

Drama Mamas

Energy Vampires—Be Gone!

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April 01, 2010
I have been a mom for over ten years now. Like anything, once you have been doing something for a while, you figure out tricks that help you to be more effective, happy and like the overall process. Let's be honest, motherhood is a process, too! Motherhood is not just a journey of raising our children, it is a process of constantly evolving and growing ourselves while enveloped in the chaos of what we call motherhood.

In fact, I am not at all the same mom that I was when I had my first daughter ten years ago. Back then, my house was quiet and manageable with just my husband and myself and our one sweet child. I was actually planning play dates to create some stimulation for her during her toddler years. Ten years later, I have had two more daughters plus two dogs, a cat and a handful of fish, too. Rarely do I have enough time to manage a play date for my third child and if I did it would consist of having them help me fold laundry rather than doing an age appropriate game.

Clearly, my role has changed over the last decade. I have changed and motherhood as I knew it is completely different. All of this is to be expected as a family grows and evolves through raising a child. What I didn't expect was that I would have to be selective, even careful at times, with other moms. What I didn't know then that I have figured out now—there are a lot of "Drama Mamas" in the field of motherhood. We have to be careful not to give what little energy we have left to them and their daily drama.

Unfortunately, I learned this the hard way. I was always trying to help rescue moms who somehow managed to get themselves into some silly drama in their neighborhood, school or even with their own husband. What I figured out along the way is that some moms create this drama and actually enjoy staying stuck in this state, maybe even thrive on it. What I also realized is that I was so emotionally drained from it that I had little energy to put toward the things I actually wanted to accomplish at the end of my day. I was exhausted from their drama—how silly is that? I realize that we are all in the journey of motherhood together, but some us go about it differently and want to accomplish various things from the journey. For me, a peaceful home, laughter and honesty were key things I wanted from other mom friends—not gossiping, picking other moms apart and bashing my husband all day long. With that, in the process of motherhood, I had to start being selective and careful who I gave my time and energy to and I learned weeding out the "Drama Mamas" was a huge part of regaining my energy back!

There is great news. As moms, we have a choice of how we spend our energy. Obviously, kids and family are first and foremost, but even as we grow and evolve in this journey we must be selective who we choose to hang around on a daily basis. I once read that you are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with each day. That is a powerful statement and worth taking a moment to ponder. If those who you spend the most time with are helping you grow, inspiring and encouraging you on a daily basis and trying to build you up rather than tear you down—chances are you are doing the same.

Mary Susan Buhner is a Life Coach for Moms and author of Mommy Magic: Tricks for Staying Sane in the Midst of Insanity.

Tags: Parenting

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