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Grew in my Heart: Through Adoption
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Hi! I'm Sarah, mom of two beautiful boys, Isaac and Ezra. I am married the most amazing man, Joe. I am an adoption advocate, an adoptive mom and was featured on season 2 of Oxygen's, "I'm Having Their Baby" which tells the story of our first failed adoption match. In this series, I will focus on the trials and tribulations of adoption as well as all the amazing experiences we've had in the process. I had a million questions and never knew how to find the answers, so it was all live and learn. I hope to share my experience with you, whether you are considering adoption for yourself or you know someone who is, I want to make the once taboo subject something people aren't afraid to talk about. Adoption can be a roller coaster of fun and fear, come along for the ride on ours.
Failed Adoption Stories
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Failed Adoption Stories

Sarah Baker | December 05, 2013 | 08:16 PM

It's an unfortunate, painful event when an adoption match falls through. While most of us adoptive parents believe strongly that a woman should have every right to change her mind and parent her child if she wishes, in many cases it is going to be okay and even GOOD for that child to be with her. A lot of times she goes into an adoption plan thinking she doesn't have the resources (money) necessary to parent the baby, but with love and number crunching, she often finds she can and will make it work. While that scenario hurts the adoptive parents who had gotten excited and invested time and money, we ultimately rejoice in her decision to parent. We know that the loss for her and the child in adoption is far greater than the loss we suffer when she decides to parent.

So what about the cases where the expecting mother has no intent to place her child? I have run across friends and support group members recently that have had failed adoption matches because of fraud. Women who go through private adoption, instead of an agency and prey on adopting couples for money. Then there are women who want to believe that they fully intend to place their child for adoption, but will never end up going through with it. Some of these women are only "found out" after it comes to light that she had a baby shower! Some go all the way to the end of the pregnancy saying they want to follow through with adoption, they "KNOW" it's the right thing to do, they "CAN'T" keep the baby, etc. But with that scenario there are often so many signs that the adoption plan is not going to go through. If you try to address it with her, ask the social worker to talk to her, or try to help any way you can, she may get defensive and lash out. What do you do?

I have been at a cross road of wanting to tell my FULL story of what happened in our failed match (from my perspective, I'm sure her side of the story is very different), but I still feel very vulnerable. Even though I eventually cut ties with her and try to not interact, social media and the internet seem to have a way of keeping people connected through others. This creates a lot of stress for me, not because I don't want to run across her, but because I know that everything I say is scrutinized. Sometimes I don't want to be the bigger person. Sometimes I want to just rant and say exactly what is on my mind. No holding back.........

For the rest of this story, please visit: http://1grewinmyheart.wordpress.com/2013/12/06/failed-match-stories/


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